Anyway, I happily enjoyed Monday’s October 31 episode. Not only did OLTL keep in tradition by having Todd spend Halloween with Blair (AND SAM!!!!! Totes ADORBS!) BUT, we got to see Stigi’s LIPS! Always a pleasure, only not even close to being remotely pleasurable. Somebody tell her she’s wearing too much damn lip gloss and the fact that REX wouldn’t know her from that alone is damn near mind boggling and too redonk for words, fo sho! Anyway, lets dive into last Monday’s episode and see how much sugar Todd actually inhaled vs. the amount of sugar and from which bowl, he would’ve happily consumed. WHAT??? Don’t ACT LIE YOU WEREN’T THINKING IT!
Viki tied to get Clint into the Halloween spirit. Instead, he was obsessing over looking for a letter from KimBrey. That’s what I call her to keep it simps for err'body. Riveting, yo. Then, lo and be-gdamn-hold, Jess and Ford walk in with little Bree. Little bit, ADORBS in her costume! Fess, not so much in regular clothes! Anyone want to remind me why Ford even exists??? Cause, yeah, I don’t have the answer. Oh right, to drool over the face of a woman he DOESN’T love, cause the one he REALLY loves lives DEEP INSIDE HER. Take that as you will. Kay, thanks. I got it now. Oh, and what in the hell is up with this Uncle Bobby nonsense??? Every time I hear that from women who tell their daughters to refer to some totes creepster man they’re hanging with or “dating” (see: having sex with), as “Uncle” WhatTheHellEver, I suddenly get images of bad Lifetime Movies where the girl grows up having an affair with said “Uncle” while the mother never had a CLUE! OLTL might just want to do away with that shit pronto! Todd is the only exception, because he IS indeed Sam’s uncle! But more on that bundle of cuteness later!
Oh, but Ford saved the day y’all. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. We should all be so lucky he was there to put out a fire by stomping on a flaming paper bag on a stoop. Say WHAT??? I wish, wish, WISH y’all could see my face right now cause it’s a mixture of bullshit and what in the flying f*** am I watching here, yo?!?!?! The whitewashing of this character is sickening beyond words, I cannot even. I watched that segment with my mouth open, my eyes peered, and my brows scrunched in shame and bewilderment. If it weren’t so stupid, it would be laughable. Then Bree wanted to go to Natalie’s party. Plot point. NEXT!
Speaking of said “party”, Shaun was dressed like Michael Jackson. It was THRILLER, BAD, and BILLIE JEAN all rolled in one. I kinda dug it. I also liked Natalie’s outfit. A skimpy seal. I adored! But she shouldn’t be marrying Brody and if I look into my crystal ball of Hershey’s kisses, she won’t be. The woman couldn’t pull off thrilled to marry this dude if someone paid her to "look" the part. Anywho, Roxy was Britney Spears ala Hit Me Baby, One More Time! Believe it or not, I own Brit’s first album and learned the dance moves for that very song! WHAT??? DO NOT JUDGE ME!!! She’s a former Mousketeer and I had to SUPPORT! Latter years in shaving her head and marrying a Federline aside. Hey, we all make mistakes, YO! So they all took shots that Roxy made and then they listened, or tried to, as Roxy made a drunk speech about… life… or love… or doors… or dead people…. hell, I don’t think even SHE knew what she was babbling about. My guess is that shot glass was filled with ¼ juice and ¾ liquor! The hard stuff that makes you pass out upon first sip.
But about dead people, Tina of course saw a picture of Gigi on the mantle of Buch mansion, realizing it was the same girl that she had seen lurking around Llanfair. But, Gigi’s dead, so that’s not possible, right? Yeah, right? This girl with her face and mouth and lip gloss running around town is not GIGI at ALL! What a waste of fucking time it will be if she really is Stacy. It’s bad enough that we have to suffer through this nonsense, but if they make her someone else, I think I might just go ahead and mail Ron a picture of BOTH my middle fingers. I’m. Not. Joking!!! Of course Lips and Cutter show up and Rex has no idea who she is. Well, she IS wearing a mask glued to her FACE, so I’m so SURE that it was so DIFFICULT to tell who she was. Only, it shouldn’t have been, as I’ve mentioned earlier. Whatever. This storyline blows chunks. Really, if anyone is enjoying this stuff, please let me know. I’m really curious to see what the audience is liking. And, well, NOT liking. Cause as you know from reading my columns, there are things I LIKE and things I DO NOT! But I try to talk about all of it as much as I can. You know, me being an equal opportunity chick and all.
And since I’m so equal, I’ll talk more about Rex and Roxy. Of COURSE they are having a conversation about Natalie that Brody promptly interrupts.
Rex to a sauced Roxy: My sister is marrying Brody.
Brody (walks up with a semi-grin on his face): Damn straight, any reason she wouldn’t?
Me: BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T LOVE YOU, YOU FOOL!!!!!! You keep walking in on her looking all DOE-EYED at John and you think she really, REALLY wants to marry you? No, BRUH. Not in the least BIT!
Some of these men of Llanview need to be hit with the “Dumbass, she’s just not that INTO YOU!” stick. I don’t hate Brody, I really don’t, but he’s being an idiot marrying a woman who doesn’t love him. I don’t think Natalie is blameless, because frankly, she’s leading him to think that there is something more to this than there is. I think she would LIKE there to be something more, because she wishes that she were over wanting a life with John, but that shit’s just not going to happen. He's in her blood, it just IS! She thinks he doesn’t want her so she’s settling. Lordy, will this sound ever to familiar to me in about a week’s time.
Anyway, Brody proposing and marrying her is not endearing or some great thing. He KNOWS that he’s not Liam’s father and then every chance he gets, he’s being a dick to John about it. Look, I know not everyone likes John and I know that people say that he dropped Natalie and Liam when he found out that Natalie sexed Brody. Not. Good. HOWEVER, if we’re to believe that Brody is the “better” or more “noble” of the two, he would’ve and SHOULD’VE told John and Natalie the truth when he found out, risked losing them both, but asked to still be part of Liam’s life, as he thought of him as a son. I don’t see Natalie objecting to such a thing. But at this point, he’s basically just STEALING a family that doesn’t belong to him! It’s not noble or cute, it’s creepy and wrong, and I’m sick of it. I hear this mess ends soon and I for one could not be happier than a peach!
Oh, and Shane came face to face with his mom, only not, cause it aint her and she was hiding behind a mask. Then it got to be too much for her when he was talking ABOUT her, or excuse me, his "mom", and so she had to just run out of there as fast as possible with Cutter on her tail. KrisBrey quickly realized who it was as she accidentally began to undress his mummy costume and recognized his nipples. I had no idea that you could know who someone was by the size and shape of their nipples. Well… Whatever, never mind.
Then, Clint was nice to Ford and shook his hand and in that moment, I knew he had been snatched, sent to Eterna, and replaced with a POD person! But the good that came from it was Viki adoring Clint. I totes see a reunion on the horizon for these too! Even if KimBrey is suddenly tossed in the middle again!
And ZOMG!!! CORD and TINA in the stables bow-chicka-wow-wowing!!!!
In conclusion to the happy:
TODD SHOWED UP TO LA BOULAIE ON HALLOWEEN!!!! He was a wolf/beast hybrid, I’m convinced. Blair was dressed as a lifeguard, wearing her red cape. Okay, it was a red jacket, but just go with it. Interesting that they chose a different outfit this year instead of the traditional witches costume that they usually have for Blair. That one was reserved for Bitch Mama this year, and IMHO, pretty symbolic and shouldn’t go unnoticed. Blair the lifeguard versus Bitch Mama the Debbie Drowner. And she showed off those GAMS that went on for DAYS in those shorts!!!!
Oh, and Shane came face to face with his mom, only not, cause it aint her and she was hiding behind a mask. Then it got to be too much for her when he was talking ABOUT her, or excuse me, his "mom", and so she had to just run out of there as fast as possible with Cutter on her tail. KrisBrey quickly realized who it was as she accidentally began to undress his mummy costume and recognized his nipples. I had no idea that you could know who someone was by the size and shape of their nipples. Well… Whatever, never mind.
Then, Clint was nice to Ford and shook his hand and in that moment, I knew he had been snatched, sent to Eterna, and replaced with a POD person! But the good that came from it was Viki adoring Clint. I totes see a reunion on the horizon for these too! Even if KimBrey is suddenly tossed in the middle again!
And ZOMG!!! CORD and TINA in the stables bow-chicka-wow-wowing!!!!
In conclusion to the happy:
TODD SHOWED UP TO LA BOULAIE ON HALLOWEEN!!!! He was a wolf/beast hybrid, I’m convinced. Blair was dressed as a lifeguard, wearing her red cape. Okay, it was a red jacket, but just go with it. Interesting that they chose a different outfit this year instead of the traditional witches costume that they usually have for Blair. That one was reserved for Bitch Mama this year, and IMHO, pretty symbolic and shouldn’t go unnoticed. Blair the lifeguard versus Bitch Mama the Debbie Drowner. And she showed off those GAMS that went on for DAYS in those shorts!!!!
The moment Blair opened the door, once she told him that she basically remembered how much he had a fondness for Halloween, the sexual innuendoes began flying outta his mouth.
Todd likes a freak??? Hmm, who knew?
Blair has the best candy??? As he eyes her up and down... Well, of course he would know!
He wants sugar from her bowl??? Well… damn. Just damn.
Okay… so, I could go all kinds of different ways with this. I really, really could. And I have, I really, really, have on twitter. I haven’t stopped talking about Todd wanting Blair’s candy for about a week now. And I’m thinking that once he finally gets it, he won’t want to stop eating. OH, DON’T GO THERE!!! YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW I ROLL!!!!
As Todd consumed the sweets in Blair’s bowl, not the ones he wanted, but he sufficed with a substitute for the time being, he wanted to see Hope in her costume. Of COURSE, he missed her cause James and Starr took her out, but I would have DIED if he got to see her dressed as a peanut! But that was too much to ask. So then, he wanted to kick rocks with Jack and toilet paper the Buch house. He had 96 rolls. Hmm… 96??? Okay, I’m not gonna touch it, you just figure it out. Blair tried telling him that maybe they should start with Jack actually using Todd’s real name, to which the adorableness that is little Sam walked in saying “hey, scarface!” and waving his shark fin. ADORBS!!!!! Of course, Sam had no idea that it wasn’t the way to address his Uncle Todd (you know, cause unlike Bobby to Bree, TODD IS IN FACT SAM’S UNCLE!), thanks to Jack being such a turd and calling him Scarface, Scarface, SCARFACE!!!! every freaking chance he gets! Jack may be too old to spank, but he isn’t too old for a proper beat down. JUST. SAYIN’!
Hmm…. I recall Blair saying that Todd was asking for it, and he said he was. Now, I could go a million different ways with all of this as well, cause I think dude was pretty much asking for it the moment he rang that doorbell, but I will let my readers just sit and think about some things for a bit.
Blair decided to sit little Sam down on the stairs and explain to him who Todd really was. In the meantime, Todd was looking at her like this:
Todd likes a freak??? Hmm, who knew?
Blair has the best candy??? As he eyes her up and down... Well, of course he would know!
He wants sugar from her bowl??? Well… damn. Just damn.
Okay… so, I could go all kinds of different ways with this. I really, really could. And I have, I really, really, have on twitter. I haven’t stopped talking about Todd wanting Blair’s candy for about a week now. And I’m thinking that once he finally gets it, he won’t want to stop eating. OH, DON’T GO THERE!!! YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW I ROLL!!!!
As Todd consumed the sweets in Blair’s bowl, not the ones he wanted, but he sufficed with a substitute for the time being, he wanted to see Hope in her costume. Of COURSE, he missed her cause James and Starr took her out, but I would have DIED if he got to see her dressed as a peanut! But that was too much to ask. So then, he wanted to kick rocks with Jack and toilet paper the Buch house. He had 96 rolls. Hmm… 96??? Okay, I’m not gonna touch it, you just figure it out. Blair tried telling him that maybe they should start with Jack actually using Todd’s real name, to which the adorableness that is little Sam walked in saying “hey, scarface!” and waving his shark fin. ADORBS!!!!! Of course, Sam had no idea that it wasn’t the way to address his Uncle Todd (you know, cause unlike Bobby to Bree, TODD IS IN FACT SAM’S UNCLE!), thanks to Jack being such a turd and calling him Scarface, Scarface, SCARFACE!!!! every freaking chance he gets! Jack may be too old to spank, but he isn’t too old for a proper beat down. JUST. SAYIN’!
Hmm…. I recall Blair saying that Todd was asking for it, and he said he was. Now, I could go a million different ways with all of this as well, cause I think dude was pretty much asking for it the moment he rang that doorbell, but I will let my readers just sit and think about some things for a bit.
Blair decided to sit little Sam down on the stairs and explain to him who Todd really was. In the meantime, Todd was looking at her like this:
GULP. *DEAD*
I think her shorts nearly starting sliding down those gams by themselves. But, not quite…
Then we were treated to yet ANOTHER lovely flashback of Todd “shooting” Victor. Grand, y’all. Just. Fucking. Grand. The constant insertion is probably due to rewrites, but dammit, at this point, IDGAFF, I’m sick of looking at it.
Once we passed that hurdle, Todd and Sam began decorating pumpkins. Of course Sam made a pumpkin in Todd’s likeness. They are, of course, new BFFL’S!!!! Blair decided to continue taking Sam trick or treating, to which Sam wanted Uncle Todd to tag along. And of COURSE, Todd jumped up and was eager to go with them!!!! Blair was squeeing inside just as much as I was, she shouldn’t even try to front, I’m not the one to front with, hon, NOT THE ONE!!! As Sam left the room to get ready for spending more time with Mom and his Uncle, Blair thanked Todd for being so nice to Victor’s little boy. Then Todd looked at her all soft eyed and told her in a soft voice that Sam was her little boy too, right??? By then, the shorts were down her ankles, past the flip flops, and on the chandelier, but she had to leave the room before the panties dropped and went flying too. With a child in the house, it wasn’t the time to thank him the way she really wanted too. Like she so often did in the past. And if you know their history, YOU KNOW how she used to thank him! So she clutched onto that lifesaver like a church going woman clutching pearls while giving him the eyes, hoping he would eventually just consume her like the candy, and skedaddled out of the room to help Sam. Todd, meanwhile decided to check out the goods as that sugar bowl bounced away. I could already see him putting stamps all over that once he finally puts a ring on it.
In the meantime, he struggled with telling Blair how he felt and used pumpkins to help him along
Pumpkin A: I floated on a raft across the ocean to get to you. Broke out of a paramilitary institution, I think you owe me. Wanna make out?
Pumpkin B was a Shakespearean ode to Victor. Skipped. Necessity.
Pumpkin C: I love you, Blair. I always have. I want you back.
Then, he tried macking on Pumpkin C. But then bitch mama showed up and ruined everything. Needless to say, Todd almost lost it tossing a pumpkin at negative-nelly Bitch Mama, who soon disappeared, clamed up about his feelings, and made up some excuse about having plans. This secret is weighting pretty heavily on him, and frankly, it’s weighting heavily on the audience. Guess what? I think I can speak for a many of us when I say that we need to MOVE PAST THIS SHIT!!! The idea that Todd killed Victor is, in a word, bullshit. A) Because Victor’s most likely NOT EVEN DEAD and B) with only SO MANY MONTHS LEFT OF THE SHOW, we should be seeing more of Todd with his family and NOT with a dead woman who keeps him from telling the love of his life how he FEELS ABOUT HER and living his LIFE without thinking he KILLED THIS FOOL!!!! Ugh, I could continue ranting about this until the cows come home, but why bother???
So, that about sums up my recap for episode! If I missed anything, it probably wasn’t meant to be!
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I think her shorts nearly starting sliding down those gams by themselves. But, not quite…
Then we were treated to yet ANOTHER lovely flashback of Todd “shooting” Victor. Grand, y’all. Just. Fucking. Grand. The constant insertion is probably due to rewrites, but dammit, at this point, IDGAFF, I’m sick of looking at it.
Once we passed that hurdle, Todd and Sam began decorating pumpkins. Of course Sam made a pumpkin in Todd’s likeness. They are, of course, new BFFL’S!!!! Blair decided to continue taking Sam trick or treating, to which Sam wanted Uncle Todd to tag along. And of COURSE, Todd jumped up and was eager to go with them!!!! Blair was squeeing inside just as much as I was, she shouldn’t even try to front, I’m not the one to front with, hon, NOT THE ONE!!! As Sam left the room to get ready for spending more time with Mom and his Uncle, Blair thanked Todd for being so nice to Victor’s little boy. Then Todd looked at her all soft eyed and told her in a soft voice that Sam was her little boy too, right??? By then, the shorts were down her ankles, past the flip flops, and on the chandelier, but she had to leave the room before the panties dropped and went flying too. With a child in the house, it wasn’t the time to thank him the way she really wanted too. Like she so often did in the past. And if you know their history, YOU KNOW how she used to thank him! So she clutched onto that lifesaver like a church going woman clutching pearls while giving him the eyes, hoping he would eventually just consume her like the candy, and skedaddled out of the room to help Sam. Todd, meanwhile decided to check out the goods as that sugar bowl bounced away. I could already see him putting stamps all over that once he finally puts a ring on it.
In the meantime, he struggled with telling Blair how he felt and used pumpkins to help him along
Pumpkin A: I floated on a raft across the ocean to get to you. Broke out of a paramilitary institution, I think you owe me. Wanna make out?
Pumpkin B was a Shakespearean ode to Victor. Skipped. Necessity.
Pumpkin C: I love you, Blair. I always have. I want you back.
Then, he tried macking on Pumpkin C. But then bitch mama showed up and ruined everything. Needless to say, Todd almost lost it tossing a pumpkin at negative-nelly Bitch Mama, who soon disappeared, clamed up about his feelings, and made up some excuse about having plans. This secret is weighting pretty heavily on him, and frankly, it’s weighting heavily on the audience. Guess what? I think I can speak for a many of us when I say that we need to MOVE PAST THIS SHIT!!! The idea that Todd killed Victor is, in a word, bullshit. A) Because Victor’s most likely NOT EVEN DEAD and B) with only SO MANY MONTHS LEFT OF THE SHOW, we should be seeing more of Todd with his family and NOT with a dead woman who keeps him from telling the love of his life how he FEELS ABOUT HER and living his LIFE without thinking he KILLED THIS FOOL!!!! Ugh, I could continue ranting about this until the cows come home, but why bother???
So, that about sums up my recap for episode! If I missed anything, it probably wasn’t meant to be!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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i can't even tell you how MUCH i agree with everything, particularly todd & blair. i only recently caught up on their saga via YouTube, having never watched the show before. i'm a sonny & brenda on GH fan, who vaguely remembers todd & blair on around the same time my babysitter watched both shows in the 90's. i recently caught up with sonny & brenda (with vanessa marcil's return). but now that she's gone and GH is boring as all hell (worse, probably) -- i looked up todd and blair after seeing some commercial about roger howarth's return. i remember the rape storyline back in the day, though as i said -- i didn't properly watch it back then. i do remember him being a PHENOMENAL actor.
ReplyDeleteanyway, i got sucked into todd & blair on YouTube! seriously, i watched for days til i was caught up. the first show i watched in "real time" was the halloween episode! let me put it this way, the first episode of One Life To Live i've EVER watched was this one. the rest was YouTube. so i was especially delighted by the MAD SEXUAL INNUENDO by todd. "i love a freak" ... "you've got the best candy" and "can't i have sugar from your bowl" i was SQUEALING at the telly!
mostly, i'm impressed with roger howarth's portrayal of todd. i believe it all: that he was a serial rapist then troubled man falling in love for the first time (with blair) then doting father and now a man in the process of real change. that's a huge stretch, but roger makes it believable.
also, i can't say enough about the amazing talent of kassie deprive. her emotions are so authentic and natural. she's brilliant. both together are superstardom.
i'd love if the new n improved todd is also a horny todd LOL !!!!!!!!